Wellbutrin - Take 2

Well, about 5 weeks ago I had my visit with a psychiatrist to see if there were new drugs I could try to get more focus and help my brain chemistry so I could deal more effectively with the issues in my life that I can't seem to get in control of. He was convinced that if I didn't have good results and/or side effects with Dexadrine before, then Adderall would not be a good choice, and he said that probably Ritalin or Concerta would not work well either. To prove his point he put me on 20mg of Ritalin, waited a few hours and made me take a concentration and focus test that I had previously taken to see if there was any improvement. Well not only was there little of no improvement, I felt very spacey and out of sorts, so much so that when I left the psychiatrists office I proceeded to start my car and then get out to scrape the snow off my window and locked my keys in the car with the car running! It took an hour and half of waiting in the -15 C snowy and windy weather for a tow truck to come, and besides almost freezing I lost 1/4 tank of gas! It's embarrasing but funny to be leaving a psychiatrist's office for ADHD treatment and have to go back into that office to use the phone because you've pulled a classic ADHD stunt like locking your keys in the car with the car running and your spare key is in the pocket of another coat! And that was while on 20mg of Ritalin!!! I think that proved Ritalin or Concerta is not for me!

So after much talk about what did work before, we revisited the subject of Wellbutrin - the only drug that worked amazingly for my ADHD, but as I gained about 35 pounds within the first month of being on it, I thought it made me gain weight and I eventually came off of it. He said it's very rare that Wellbutrin causes serious weight gain like that and we discussed other reasons why I might have gained weight. The previous four years to being on Wellbutrin I was on stimulant medication, either Ephedra or Dexadrine, and he said that coming off stimulant medication can cause a profound rebound weight gain even if you don't change your eating habits or activity level. This is significant, because my previous Doctor kept saying things like "you must be eating more now that you're off the stimulants and don't have the appetite suppressant" or "you're probably less active" and I kept telling him I didn't change a thing in how I ate or my activity level, so it had to be the Wellbutrin that made me gain the weight. If my former Doctor had told me about rebound weight gain from coming off the stimulant meds even without eating more or excercising less, we'd have had the answer and I wouldn't have blamed the Wellbutrin for making me gain weight. The psyciatrist also made another significant point - if the Wellbutin had made me gain weight, it was reasonable and logical that I would have lost the weight once I stopped taking it, and I never have. I was off Wellbutrin for 4 years, and despite very healthy careful eating and tons of excercise, I couldn't lose more than about 10 pounds.

After this discussion, the psyciatrist said "but you probably hate Wellbutrin like the plaugue if you feel it caused you to gain weight". I said I didn't hate it neccessarily, I was scared of it causing me to gain weight, but it did work amazingly well, his theories about other factors causing weight gain made sense, and if there was a chance it wouldn't make me gain weight then I'd be more than willing to try Wellbutrin again. So we decided to monitor my weight carefully and try Wellbutrin again.

I started Wellbutrin on December 17th, and I noticed the improvement almost within a day - it's like night and day difference for my brain. I can focus for long periods of time and I'm not so easily distracted. I get far more files off my desk in an average workday. I'm less compulsive and can control my spending and eating far better. I can even do moderation - instead of all or nothing when it comes to things like sugar and chocolate, I can make rules and stick to them like a normal sane person (if I'm going to have sugar it must contain chocolate, I can't buy it for myself (just when given or offered), and I can have only one item from any given plate or box of chocolate items and that's it, no more.) Before if I had one item of sugar or chocolate I would eat handfuls or the whole box or plate, or it would start a binge that led me to buying more and seriously overdosing on sugar/chocolate, so moderation is an amazing accomplishment. And the best and most amazing thing of all - in the past 4 weeks on Wellbutrin, even with small amounts of chocolate and controlled indulgences over the Christmas season - I've actually lost 4 pounds!!!! So it's definitely not making me gain any weight!!!!! Yippee!!!

Now I feel confident to start to tackle some of my issues like chronic disorganization and dig myself out of years of problems that has caused, as well as deal with some of the self esteem and other emotional issues from years of failure. It can only get better!

I'm also ready to start working on my book again. I'm going to a huge music and arts conference in Edmonton in a few weeks (Breakforth) and the electives and intensive workshops I've signed up for are all creative writing, so I hope to learn tools and inspiration that help me with progressing on my book. I may not be able to do alot on my book in the next 12 weeks due to my teaching job (see previous post) as I need to put lots of work and preparation into that, but I will do bits and pieces on the book and be ready to really start working on it once I finish my teaching assignment. With the help and focus I get from the Wellbutrin I know it will all start to come together - I have a long ways to go, but I am very hopeful and optomistic that I will get there!

Life is good!!!